day 3 — your parents

Dearest Madre,

Where can I begin to tell everyone how amazing you are? Thru my childhood, we werent always the richest, we werent always in one place for a long time, we didnt always have the nicest things and we werent always 100% happy, but you did ALL you could for me and Travis when times were tough. You made sure we had food on the table, clothes on our back, a car to get back and forth from point A to point B with, and you made sure to let us know HOW MUCH you loved us.. Dad had a gambling problem, a drug problem and wasnt always the smartest when it came to family but there were times when we were all HAPPY for a moment and those are some of the best times I remember. We struggled more than a lot of my friends' families but when I was smaller I thought it was normal. To me, I thought it was fine b/c I had you, dad and Travis, and of course my FAVE Cabbage Patch doll Maggie Delta... Lol As I grew up, I realized that some of these problems we had werent ok BUT I promised myself that when I had kids, I was going to try and be like you and make them HAPPY no matter what kind of sitation I was in. Times are hard and I know you did the best you could and thats ALL that matters.

After dad passed, I thought we were all going to lose it. I missed him SO much and I didnt think we would be ok for a while.. I thought that you may have a nervous break down or have a broken heart forever, but you have showed how tough you are in front of us all and have carried us more than you know. You have helped me realize that even though someone so IMPORTANT can be gone in an instance, you can still love life and go on. You still do EVERYTHING you can for me, Travis, Amamnda, Dave and SOON TO BE HERE, Noah and you still stay strong even though I know it's probably tough without dad around. You were with him for 31 yrs and I cant imagine losing someone that I was SO in tune with and SO in love with for THAT long... Its still hard for me to be COMPLETELY ok even after a 2 yr on and off relationship that I had, (I am better but you cant help who you love I guess right?). You and dad had your CRAZY IN LOVE stages when you were younger and even when you were older. You fought, he always drove you crazy, and you wanted to KILL him sometimes, but you loved him UNCONDTIONALLY, you have loved ALL of us uncondtionally. You put up with a lot from us and somehow you were pretty much the ONLY one that stayed SEMI sane in the house. Lol. 5 dogs, 8 cats, and 5 people later, you still are the strongest woman I know and I love you for how you have dealt with SO much for SO long. :) You are the best mom anyone could have b/c no matter what ALL you have done with your life is love others.. I love you mom.

<3

day 2 — your crush

Dearest Jake, aka the LOVE of my life, how do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Lol.

I think I began this obsession with you when you were in Bubble Boy and from then on it was ALL downhill for me.. I cannot get enough of your face or your talent. My ALL time favorite movie that you have done SO FAR, is Jarhead.. I dont know if its because you were so GOD DAMN BUFF and HOT, or because you actually did a great job playing a Marine. I also loved you in The Good Girl. You were sweet, sensitive, and kind.. You wrote love letters to Jennifer Aniston but then in the end, since you couldnt be with her, you killed yourself because you loved her SO MUCH and couldnt be without her. Not a smart move. Ive been here the whole time. You should have just MOVED to Vegas and I WOULD HAVE TOTALLY been with you. I had a douchebag of a boyfriend i would have left for you in a heartbeat! Lol.. That would have been the PERFECT ending.

If you ever DO find yourself in Las Vegas and you decide Taylor Swift is too much of a BORING, twangy, red neck, country girl for you, give me a holllllller.. LOVE always, your #1 fan, Maggie. :)

P.S. I can't wait for Love and Other Drugs.. :)

day 1 — your best friend

Marte!
I THOUGHT this was going to be simple but there are SO MANY things I can say about you, that I dont know if ill have enough time or SPACE! :)

How can I breath with NO AIR? You are like AIR to me. The Peanut Butter to my Jelly, (well sugarfree jelly), the cheese to my crackers, the Mario Lopez to my ABDC, (Did he just say we Da Man-aze?), and the 16 to my pregnant. Lol.

No really where do I start.. Horizon. BEST school EVER! Only b/c it brought us together, otherwise, id say that school is NOT so good.. Lol. Anyways, back to you. (Its obvious we both have A.D.D.)..

Youre beautiful in everyway. I love how LOVING and caring you are. How SMART you are. How you give me advice on certain guys because you know someone JUST like them and youve been dealing with it longer.. I love that we finish each others sentences because we are SO ALIKE its SCARY! "Smithsonian!"... WTF?!

Like you said in your letter to me, we are DEF SOULMATES and you are DEF my other half! You are like the sister I never had, (nor did I want one), but I am glad you came into my life. You have been there for me when I was at my lowest and when I thought life could get NO WORSE.. You have been there with me thru thick and thin and I appreciate you more than you know.. :) You make me smile and laugh when I am sad and you and I NEVER fight which I LOVE... I am SO glad I get to call you my BEST FRIEND everyday and I cant wait to grow old with you and make SO many more memories.. Random road trips and making MANY more mistakes are DEF in the near future now that we are BOTH single!.. I love you A LOT and I am happy that we have each other when times are easy, hard, when boys break our hearts and need MEN to pick up the pieces, when they love us too much and when they become obsessed with us and we have to either CHANGE our phone numbers OR MOVE! Lol. You are amazing in everyway and I hope that everyone sees it as much as I do.. :)

P.S. Sorry about Farley peeing everywhere. Lol. im gonna make him wear a diaper from now on.

LOVE,
your hottest bestest friend EVER! :)

New 30 Day Challenge.. :)

I stole this from Marte and can't wait to start it.. :) The goal is to write a letter to each one of these people as your blog of the day.
I sit at work and have little to do sometimes so I am ready to take this on.. :) It'll be easy, hard, fun, MAY make me cry, but I can do it.. AND I hope you all enjoy it and maybe do it too.. :)

day 1 — your best friend
day 2 — your crush
day 3 — your parents
day 4 — your sibling (or closest relative)
day 5 — your dreams
day 6 — a stranger
day 7 — your ex-boyfriend/girlfriend/love/crush
day 8 — your favorite internet friend
day 9 — someone you wish you could meet
day 10 — someone you don’t talk to as much as you’d like to
day 11 — a deceased person you wish you could talk to
day 12 — the person you hate most/caused you a lot of pain
day 13 — someone you wish could forgive you
day 14 — someone you’ve drifted away from
day 15 — the person you miss the most
day 16 — someone that’s not in your state/country
day 17 — someone from your childhood
day 18 — the person that you wish you could be
day 19 — someone that pesters your mind—good or bad
day 20 — the one that broke your heart the hardest
day 21 — someone you judged by their first impression
day 22 — someone you want to give a second chance to
day 23 — the last person you kissed
day 24 — the person that gave you your favorite memory
day 25 — the person you know that is going through the worst of times
day 26 — the last person you made a pinky promise to
day 27 — the friendliest person you knew for only one day
day 28 — someone that changed your life
day 29 — the person that you want tell everything to, but too afraid to
day 30 — your reflection in the mirror

Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

I decided to do 2 days in one b/c I do what I want. Lol

Dear Maggie,

You are an amazing woman with SO MANY qualities. You deserve the MOST out of life and sometimes you settle for less than what you THINK you deserve. I love your personality, your eyes and how nice and kind you can be at times, unless someone fucks you over, then the bitchy side comes out. BUT I love that about you too. I love that you have gotten more of a backbone over the past few years and stopped letting everyone walk all over you. I love that you would do ANYTHING for your friends and family at the drop of a hat. I love that you are funny, witty and almost everyone you cross paths with thinks you are wonderful and have such a great outlook on life. I love that you always look at the glass half full instead of half empty and you make the BEST out of ANY situation... You have made MANY mistakes which I KNOW you are TRULY sorry for and wish that you wouldnt have made, but thats life. You lived and you learned from ALL of those things. The only thing I DONT LOVE about you, is that you are VERY irresponsible when it comes to your health. I would LOVE to see you stick to the gym, eat better, and be happier in life. Don't let people that mean NOTHING, get you down. They obviously werent worth your time or tears and dont care about anyone but themselves. I love that you can be strong, but weak. I think we ALL have that flaw at times. I just want you to keep your head up and understand that sometimes life is rough and you will have the BEST days and the WORSE days but if you wake up each day and JUST smile, you will get thru ANYTHING. You are a GREAT person inside and out and all your close friends and family know that.. Dont let ANYONE let you ever doubt that. :)

Love,
Me

Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

One thing I HOPE to change about myself, is how easily I fall for people and how NAIVE I can be. I need to be better about that. I let myself and all my feelings get too involved with things and people and I need to be better about it. :)

<3

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

Well, if I were pregnant, I would keep it. :) Well, depending on whos it was.. Lol. If I GOT someone pregnant, id wonder how that happened seeing as I DONT have a penis? That'd be weird.

<3

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?

Id have to say the BEST thing going for me right now.. is LIFE. I am breathing. I get to spend many more days with friends, family and people that make me smile. I think my attitude about life is a lot better and a lot more clear. I may not be putting everything I NEED to do in effect but it'll happen sooner than later. :)

<3

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Hasnt EVERYONE?! Maybe not in the sense to KILL themselves but just say FUCK IT and not want to do ANYTHING but lay in bed? Lol.
I havent ever thought about taking my life. I LOVE life too much. I MAY have hard times, stress and bullshit here and there, but NEVER enough to end it. PLUS, id be too scared to do it AND I know EVERYONE would miss me WAY TOO MUCH! Duh! Lol.

<3

Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

Hmm.. THIS is a good question. Seeing as I ALMOST died at the beginning of September by being dumb and not taking care of myself properly, im not sure WHY I believe I am still alive.. Lol. Maybe its because GOD wanted me to know that I am stronger than I think that I am. Myabe he wants to show me that I need to start LIVING IT UP instead of living it down and being stressed out about the little things. Appreciate life. Friends. Lovers. NOT make bad choices and show everyone that I can be a better person than I HAVE been in these past few months.. OR maybe he wants to torture me. Lol. I am not QUITE sure. Either way, I have been doing good. Going to the gym when I can and taking it easy. I havent been EATING THAT much better but I DO watch myself as much as possible. :) I am hoping to live to be 100 or so. Lol. I hope I reach that goal.

<3

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

I would do this but there are TOO many songs, too many people and not enough time to write this. I cant choose ONE person with 14 million songs of WHY it reminds me of them. Lol.

<3

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.

I have a few.

-graduated HS.
-went to college for photography.
-spent more time with my dad before he died.
-made better choices about things I regret NOW.

I am sure if I think about it, there are a few more. :)

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

Hmmm.. there are a few things that stick out in my mind.. Im gonna plead the 5th on this one.. All of you close to me know what they are.. :)

<3

Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Well, does she die? Lol Either way, id be right by her side. DUH! I dont care how little or big a fight was with her.. Id be right there until she was perfectly ok.. :) I love my BFF MARTE! If I was right or wrong i'd apologize and we would going back to being ok.. Even if we did fight, (which is rare, i dont even know if weve had a fight? Lol), we will always be BEST friends.. :) I love that bitch.

Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.

Where do I start?

Drugs. I dont judge people that DO drugs. I JUST DONT do them. My dad passed away from them and seeing him use them SO often while I was growing up, I decided against doing HARDCORE drugs. I have smoked weed at parties or hangin out with friends, but I would NEVER do drugs that could possibly kill me the first time I use them. To each their own. If you can handle yourself and not become addicted, more power to you. I have an addictive personality so I may be in trouble if I start. Lol.

Alcohol. I drink. End of story. Lol.

Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

I think they are both BULLSHIT.

I could go on and on, but I dont want to offend ANYONE.

So, if you know me, you know how I feel. There will NEVER be a perfect Religion OR President. There will ALWAYS be 2 sides to everything. :)

Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.

I say LET them get married! I have SO many gay friends that have been thru hard times, growing up and coming out.. If they want to love and BE LOVED, and share their last name with someone LET THEM! I am sure they would take marriage A LOT more serious than most straight people.. Honestly.. Look at Brit Brit and her man Jason.. How many times has Liza Manelli (Sp?) been married? If the gays wanna be as MISERABLE as the straights, let them... It wont ruin your day and I AM SURE you will carry on about your business as the rest of us do! Thank GOD it's legalized NOW! Take that REPUBLICANS! Fuckers. Lol

Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something

Well, im gonna be honest, ive read A LOT of books.. Ive even wrote blogs about the ones I read.. so IF you are that interested go back a few months on my blogger and read all about them and how they helped me at those specific times.. Only one really stands out in my mind, and that was The Way of The Warrior.. it had a lot of good positive things and you should all read it. :) I creased pages, wrote notes and wrote a blog about it.. It was that good to me.. It helped me out at the time that I was reading it so please take the time and read it as well.. :)

Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.

DEF LOVE..not forever. Just right now. it's just time for me to focus on me and not let some DUMB, immature little boy bring me down anymore than he did. I can DEF do without the stress, worrying, and being second best. Ill find that right guy someday and he will love me for all my good and all my bad. :) Ill find the one that no matter HOW crazy life gets, he'll stick around cause thats what MEN do. Not boys. SO yes, I can and WILL do without love for a while.. Im working on me now and getting back to 100% Happy Maggie.. :)

Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

Well, Ive never TRIED living without it, but INSULIN DUH! Lol.. I HAVE to have it.. especially after my little episode 2 weeks ago!

Also, ive tried to live without Farley. (Well, I had to for a while before he was fixed and I was living with Cherice).. He makes me smile because he is FAT as hell, is ALWAYS excited when he sees me and HAS to sleep under the covers on my legs or right next to my chest EVERYNIGHT. :) He is my heart. As gay as that sounds. Lol.

AND I COULDNT live without:
Diet Soda
Taco Bell
Ice Cream
Burger King Breakfast
Chapstick
Lotion
and any other goodness that makes me smile.

I love life and I am getting happier by the day.. :)

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)

I honestly dont have a hero that let me down.. I cant think of one.. IF i do, ill edit this post and let you know.. Lol

Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)

Dear The Spill Canvas and Christina Aguilera,

You have helped me thru the toughest and non toughest times in my life.. Thru break ups, to good days, to sad days, to lonely days, your words are like wisdom and I love listening to you on FULL blast in my car.. Belting out notes I can barely hit and crying sometimes while I try.. Lol. SO thak you. I will continue to listen, buy your albums and have you on repeat in my cd player or ipod until I feel better or pull into my garage.. :)

Love your BIGGEST FAN,

Maggie

Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.

I guess this would have to be, my photography.. I seem to think that most of my pictures are pretty good and sometimes I feel no one says it enough.. MAYBE thats why I havent been too keen on going around and taking pictures? Maybe thats what holds me back.. not that I DEF have to get compliments and outrageous comments on my pictures but it helps.. ya know? Lol.. I dont know.. one of these days ill get my act together.. :)

Insomnia..

its getting the best of me. It's 9am and I havent had 2 full hours of sleep in a few days. I can barely sleep since I got sick and ended up in the hospital. I almost DIED on Friday for those of you who dont know. I didnt realize how serious it was until the doctor told me that if I would have waited an hr or two more to come in, they probably wouldnt have been able to save me. I had a tube down my throat and wasnt breathing on my own.. Thats scary as hell and has made me rethink life and EXACTLY what I want to do with it.. It also has me sitting here pondering WTF I HAD been doing with my life for the past 27 yrs and WHO I WANT/NEED/LOVE in my life. Sitting in the dark or laying in bed while the TV projects nonsense and stupidity into my brain has made me lie awake and think of my next few steps I NEED/SHOULD take. Im still going over those steps and when I find out what they are, ill let you know. Lol.

My throat is feeling a bit better each day and its easier for me to eat more solid foods now. Cherice brought me over some throat spray and it has helped A LOT.. Thank god I have good friends to help me out when I need them most. Im having a hard time dealing with things lately so they have been pulling me thru slowly but surely.. I missed my phone interview with unemployment on Friday because, well I was dying, and so I dont know where my next income is coming from. I have no job, my car insurance is due, my car payment, my cell phone and ALL my bills. Im stressed but I try not to project it and be as happy as I can.. I know ill figure something out but I need a plan of action and sooner than later..

I also still feel like im missing something in my life and as much as I want to let go of it, its hard. I am going to push thru everyday and see what life has to offer but sometimes its tough to go thru this stuff alone.. Not friends wise but ALONE, alone..

I lay in bed wishing I were laying somewhere else. Laughing. Being loved and being appreciated for the person I am, for the person he USED to love.. I know ill find it but right now it doesnt seem right without that person that I love. It doesnt seem right that him and I arent together.. it feels weird. Like he is on vacation and will be coming home soon to me... Like all this nonsense we are going thru is just a phase that people who truly love each other go thru right before they get SUPER serious and get married, have babies, and start living their life together.. I know I may sound crazy but I guess laying in a hospital bed and then at home staring at the ceiling, has gotten me thinking crazy things. Maybe in the long run its a good thing for us both but for me it doesnt feel right and doesnt feel like it ever will be.. Like I have said in previous posts, I feel like I lost my best friend sometimes. He was the one person I could tell anything to, be myself around and he would still love me. No matter how crazy, tough, and insane things got.. He was IT for me and then he turned my world completely upside down.. I just feel lost. Like I need to find ME and figure myself out. I know it'll take some time and I should get used to being without someone that made me feel whole at one time, but right now its hard. Everything reminds me of him. Plus I have had the shittiest few weeks and us breaking up didnt help. I wish he could see how sorry I am for everything and we could just work thru it. I just know that wont be the case ANYTIME soon.

I am HAPPY that I am alive however and I am really sorry to everyone I scared the shit out of. I scared the shit out of myself. Especially my mom.. Its been a rough year for her so I especially need to be safe and sane for her sake. I will take a lot better care of myself for ME and everyone who actually cares and will continue to care and love me until, well its my time.. Lol. I guess God has bigger plans for me and I didnt know it. I guess there is a purpose for me in this world afterall. I just need to find it.

I know im going on and on but I feel like I have so much more to say but cant say it. Or I dont want to because it puts me in this vulnerable state. I dont like to feel like that but sometimes its easier said than done. I just feel like I need to vent about everything with one LONG GOOD CRY, but as of now, it hurts to cry. My throat feels better but its not in the mood for my "emtional" problems. Lol. Its painful so I suck it up and let life be. I have SO many things to say to Louis but its pointless, he is shut off and doesnt care anymore..I have so many things to wonder about, like my beliefs in God all of a sudden.. All of you who know me, KNOW I dont do church or believe in a higher power but for some reason after EVERYTHING I have been thru and God didnt cut me off from life, it makes me wonder. I am tired f being locked up inside and feel like sometime today or tomorrow would be a good day to do something different and NOT be locked up thinking about all the bad and good that has went on these recent weeks..

Ill figure it out.. :)

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.

My eyes. :) Everyone always tells me how blue and beautiful they are.. I think its my best assett most def.. :)

Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

Well, even though I LOVE him to death, I need to let go of Louis.. I am GLAD we met and I would never say I wish I didnt know him, but things have been crazy and way too dofficult lately. I wanted things to work out SO BAD that I tried to ignore ALL our problems. All the things we've been thru and ALL the things that hurt our relationship before. I will NEVER say he is a HORRIBLE guy because we ALL have our issues and demons that we need to work on. We are just too different in the ways that we want relationships to be. AND who knows, maybe ONE day in the future when we BOTH grow up and mature, we can be together and work things out then. I love him and ill always miss him but this is def for the best. He was my heart, my world, and my everything but we are better off this way. :)

<3

heeartburn...

Ive had it for a few days now.. Louis and I broke up, OBVIOUSLY.. I feel sad, mad, angry, and distraught over it. I can barely eat, sleep, (thats why im up at 330am), and I have little motivation to do anything other than PEE and get right back into bed.. I KNOW, it'll pass but a part of me doesnt want it to. Louis to me was someone that I could laugh with, fight with, HATE, scream at, have the most passionate moments with and be myself around.. I literally feel like my dog has died... It sounds stupid and I am sure you are all shaking your head because you all felt like he wasnt worth it and ISNT worth it, but to me he was. To me he was my world and I wanted to marry him and have babies with him, and share my life with him... No one can say anything to me to make me feel better at this point. I am stressing way too much and I feel lost. Lonely. Betrayed. All I wanted was for him to love me right this time.. I had faith that it would happen..

Ughhh.

Ill let you know when my mood changes... :(

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted

hmmm.. there are a few people that I could think of but I dont want to write all night.. You all know who you are but at least we are all working things out and trying to be adults about things.. :)

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.

WELLLLL, I am SURE you all know the answer... Yes. Mr. Ference. Lol.. BUT I think in a way, he has also taught me a lot about myself and how truely strong I can be. He has pushed, pulled, made my days hell, made my days great, but he is one of the VERY few people that I can count on when I really need him the most.. He gets me, he doesnt get me, he makes me cry, laugh, love, hate and scream but at the end of the day, I know who I want to be laying next to when I close my eyes.. And that would be him..

Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.

Someone who has made my life worth living would be, my dad. I know he was crazy and I know he was out of it a lot more times than not, but after he passed, I realized life is pretty short and you never know what could happen... I knew this before but its just sad that he was 53 and didnt live to see 100. lol.. I want to..I miss him EVERYDAY and realize out of everyone in my family, I was the closest to him.. I just wish he was still here.. :)

<3

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.

I sat and thought about this for a few minutes.. Pondering WHAT it is that I hope I never have to do, and the only thing that I could come up with was, I hope I never have to have surgery.. I get scared of going "under" ONLY because I am diabetic and with how I have taken care of my body these past few years I know I could have complications.. :( I also hope I never have to be on Kidney Dialysis. I couldnt stand being in the hospital EVERYDAY. Therefore, like I said in previous posts, I am working out and trying to remain healthy.. Wish me luck. :)

<3

Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.

Become healthier.. I have managed to go 4 days without Soda OR fast food! I am on TRACK and I have been working out since Monday! It's only been less than a week but I feel better and I want to keep it up. :) Like I said, I am not trying to be SUPER DUPER skinny, (that takes time anyways), but I JUST want to live a healthy life and be good about my Diabetes.. well, somewhat.. Lol.

Ans also..

Become a good photographer.. I would say GREAT, but that takes time and A LOT of effort.. As we ALL know, I am less than motivated when it comes to doing things but I will eventually put my foot forward and do what I can. :)

<3

Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.

I forgive YOU for:

Cheating on me and making me hate you for a while because of all the shitty things you did to me and I had to go thru. I hope this time around you are different and I dont have to go thru it all over again. Prove me wrong because Ill never love ANYONE like I love you. I've tried and failed.

<3

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

I forgive myself for not taking better care of my body after realizing I was Diabetic... however, I am trying to take the high road and REALLY stay motivated to lose weight and just become healthier even if im not the skinniest or the fittest. I just want to feel better and not so lazy.. :) I also forgive myself for thinking I never said I love you enough. There are days where I want to call you and just say hi, but I know I cant because you arent here anymore. I know that you KNEW I loved you regardless of how many times I said it... I just wish I had spent more time with you that last night at home. I love you Dad. :)

<3

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

I love how I would do ANYTHING for family and friends WHEN needed... I also love how FUNNY I am and at times SUPER WITTY... I love how I can be so boyish ONE day and then look GLAMOUROUS the next. I love how I have gotten MUCH more confident as I have gotten older and learned that being a LITTLE slutty is STILL ok and probably will be til Im about 40.. Lol. I love how I love HARD and PASSIONATELY and I will fight to get what I want. I love that I believe in Happily Ever After and I want it SO BAD. I just know there are tough times I have to get thru to get there but I am willing to do whatever it takes.

Til Day 3.

<3

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

Hmm, where to start.. there are a few things that I can list. Such as:

I hate that I am TOO naive and trusting. I guess in a way, LIKE I ALWAYS SAY, I like to see the glass half full, rather than half empty. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt before I judge for MYSELF... I want to see the good in people because even though some people are SO BAD and sometimes TOO EVIL, I feel like they have good inside. I guess I search for it and sometimes come up short. Lol.

I also hate that I am so UNMOTIVATED. I WANT to do things but then get lazy or other things come up or I think I wont be good enough at them. Like my photography. I want to pursue it but I feel it wont be good enough. Singing, but I feel I wont be good enough. I need to work on this but I need more confidence in THOSE areas.

I also hate that I am SO forgetful. Lol. I am sorry to ALL of you who have dealt with it. I DONT ALWAYS forget things, but sometimes I am SO busy or thinking about SO MANY other things, that things slip my mind. I need vitamins or something to regain my memory! Damn you DIABETES. Lol. JK..

and lastly, me and a friend were talking the other day and YES, sometimes I feel like I am too defensive about things.. NOT on purpose but I guess in a way, growing up and being in certain relationships, I have had to be defensive, or justify LOTS of things in certain situations, and it comes naturally. I will work on it. Lol.

Til day 2. :)

<3

30 Days of Truth.. :)

I stole this from Cherice's blog and ALSO heard Marte talking about it. It seems like a good idea and to keep me SANE when I am BORED at work. :) For 30 days I have to follow this list and do everything it says.. I like to talk about myself so it should be easy.. Lol.

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

I think I can do it. Hopefully.. Lol We shall see. <3

if you really knew me...

You'd know....

I LOVE Mocha Double Shots.
I wish I were skinnier and had a 6 pack. Lol
I love the color black more than any color but only wear it to look more slimming, but WHO doesnt?
I think about my dad all the time and wish I could call him just to say hi.
I cant live without my cell phone.
I love AND hate drama.
I am not as bad you think I am and I hate when people assume things about me without asking.
I am IN LOVE.
I love food but should probably not eat as much of it so I can get that 6 pack. Lol
I want to work out but I dont have motivation.
I want to start school but I dont have MOTIVATION.
I want more tattoos.
I love ALF. He is my furry soulmate.
I love photography and wish I was more creative.
I love clutter.
I love iCarly. I am a kid at heart.
Even though I didnt graduate high school, im not stupid.
Even though I dont have a valid drivers license, I can drive better than you. Lol
I want to be a famous singer but I dont have the balls to try out for American Idol or anything else that could help me in the future. :(
I am NOT a homewrecker even though a lot of people seem to think so.
My favorite smell of all time is laundry detergent.
I love HOT SHOWERS.
I love black nail polish more than any other color...go figure.
I love sleep and would rather spend a whole day in bed than go out and do anything.
I HATE the way Farrah from Teen Mom cries. Ugly.
I HATE to cry but sometimes it feels good and it helps me sleep.
I wish I wasnt Diabetic but then id weigh 400 pounds. Lol.
I wish that people didnt think that I forgot EVERYTHING, its just my mind is ALWAYS full. It's not an excuse, its the truth. I remember things.
I wish that people took me more seriously. I know im a joker but I CAN be serious.
I dont care what people think of me. IF you dont like me, your bad not mine.
I am thankful for the people that are in my life and they made it for a reason.
I love my family but sometimes they do annoy me. Its natural.
I LOVE Farley more than ANYONE cause he is ALWAYS here for me and is excited to see me whether its been 5 min, 5 hours, or 5 days. :)
I love the way Farley eats his food. Lol.

I was watching "IF you really knew me and it made me want to write a blog".. I know a lot of you know me but some of you dont. :)

Thats all for now.. :)

Me.

Thinks it's funny....

When girls who ASSUME things about me, write things on their FACEBOOK and then leave it up for 4 months... LOL. Comical. I can't get enough laughter out of girls who are OBSESSED with me.

Gotta LOVE it. :)

Happiness.

I guess for the first time in a while, I am happy again. I mean, I am ALWAYS happy but there are additions to my life that have put me in a place where I can breath. Not FULLY but I am getting there... Things are changing for the good and hopefully STAY that way. I have been reading other blogs, mostly about LOVE and I have come across a few pictures that I absolutely LOVE. Such as the post BEFORE this one. It sums up a few things for me. Lol. And this one...



It just seems like a perfect moment. The lighting is great and they look SO IN LOVE. It makes me inspired that there are real moments and love out there. :) I am hoping that this road I am taking, is the right one. Im gonna try it out and if things go awry, then at least I tried. :) Like I have said before.. In this moment, I am happy. :)

♥

Love.

That is all.

Life.

So, I haven't written in a while or blogged but my life is GREAT.

I moved in with ONLY Marte.
We are DEF having fun getting everything together and I am SO glad that she is my roomie. She also set EVERYTHING up, as in cable, electricity and all the MAIN essentials.. I couldnt have a BETTER BESTIE... So, Marte, I appreciate that. :) Lol. You are the BEST.

I am glad and THANKFUL I still have a job and I am making money. :)

In this moment I am HAPPY. :)

<3

Ill write more later.. :)

1 more thing...

This picture.

I'm in the blogging mood...

I feel like I need to write a gratitude list. I haven't in a while and therefore here it goes:

I am grateful for:

Deli Creations.
Diet Dr. Pepper.
Twix.
Tiffany's Cafe.
My job.
The beautiful house that Tom Dibs and Marte let me reside in.
Puppies when they ARENT being annoying. (nothing but LOVE Vigo). Lol.
The newest addition to my friends list, Kelly Da Bear.
Germ-X.
Sidekicks.
Twitter.
Text messaging because it helps scary girls become brave.
Jersey Shore.
Prince of Persia. AKA Jake Gyllenhaal.
June 8th...Christina's new cd comes out.
BLOGGER.
ALL the money that I have been able to save.
March 28th.
Farley.
My family.
My amazing, strong, TRUE friends.
My Ford because it's STILL pushing hard after all these yrs..(ok 3)..Lol.
Nail Polish. I have SO many colors!
Music.
The saying "Ontothenextone"...thanks Jay Z. Lol.
Wet Seal and their tank top sales.
EXBF'S who make you realize good AND bad things.
Life.
Laughing.
Learning.
Being Me.
Never changing who I have become.
You. <3

That is all right now. :) If I think of more or another blog to jot down...I will.

:)

True Life.

I am.... the bombdotcom. Either love me or hate me.


I think.... people are too nosy and should mind their business a lot more than they do.


I should... follow my heart ALWAYS regardless of the people around me. Only "I" can make myself happy.


I dream... of Jeanie.


I want... to be happy and spontaneous like I ALWAYS am.


I know... more than you think I do.


I don't like.... scary girls.


I smell.... like Soap & Glory ALL the time.


I hear.... a frog. (My text messages)


I fear.... Death. Diabetes. Vampires that are CRAZY. Lol.


I usually... play bejeweled when I am bored at work... I never seem to get the highest score.. I will try til I DIE though. Lol.


I search... the sky for shooting stars JUST so I can make a wish, whether it comes true or not, at least I tried.


I miss.... being young again. It was SO simple.


I always... try and see the glass half full rather than half empty. :)


I regret.... NOTHING. All the mistakes I have made, make me who I am today. Take it or leave it.


I wonder.... when Gossip Girl Season 3 comes out on DVD. Ill have to google it.


I crave.... coffee.sugar.food. ALL the time.


I remember... back in the day when I was young im not a kid anymore.


I need... to pay my car payment, do some laundry and take a shower when I get home.


I forget... A LOT of things. I have a million different thoughts running through my head ALL the time.


I feel... better.


I can.... do anything better than you.


I can't... wait til summer is over. I hate the heat.


I am happy... and nothing and NO ONE will shake me of that.


I lose... out on sleep more than I should!


I sing... Randomly. I LOVE to sing.


I listen... when you talk.


I shop... less and less. I am starting to save more and more, which makes me feel better. :)


I eat... EVERYTHING and ANYTHING. I am surprised I am not 400 pounds yet.


I love... you. <3

Ugh.

FUUUUCK...

WOE

is me. <3

JUST when you think you have ENOUGH hot sauce, you realize, you don't.

Changes...

A LOT has happened in the past few months, OBVIOUSLY. One thing I have been WANTING to do, is cut my hair and add SOME changes to it, SO I DID..



Most of you have seen it on Myspace or Facebook but I thought I'd blog about it.. :)

Also I have FINALLY moved in with my BFFS and my furry little LOVE, Farley! I love it!

2010 has been pretty good to me and I hope it gets better. Ill post more later when I have time and feel like writing a million things. :)

Love,
Me.
<3