We will be VICTORRRRIOUS....

I have been jammin out to Muse lately while at work. It could be because I bring up my Myspace and thats the song on my profile, as well as the first song on my Facebook Ipod music thingy... Lol. I like the song Uprising by them right now. It's a good one. Some of their old shit I don't like but this new song makes me want to buy their new album. We will see if in the next few weeks I give in and buy it.

Well, I am tired. I have been working a lot of graves lately and I don't mind, I just need to get into the habit of sleeping during the day a bit. I got SOME sleep today....about 5 hours or so and then woke up to come to work from midnight to 8am. It's quiet here and there and sometimes I get freaked out being here all alone but I have Facebook, Myspace, HULU and of course aolradio, WHEN I remember to put it on, otherwise like I said, I jam out to Muse. Not a lot has been going on with me. I am working, hanging out, and living life. I know a lot of you know about the whole camera situation at hand. If you don't please read this link:

http://www.nbcsandiego.com/news/local-beat/Stranger-Returns-Missing-Camera-68733157.html

Now they said, the DAY after this aired that they were going to be putting it on The Today Show. OBVIOUSLY that never happened or I would have attached that link too. Lol. The camerman from The Today Show came over, interviewed me and told me to watch between 7am and 9am. At about 7:30am MY time and 10:30am, Eastern time, my friend Nolan that lives in CT, text me and told me he had been watching for about 3 hours and he saw NOTHING about the camera story. So, I call Shannon, the DETECTIVE, Lol, and she got a hold of someone else that EVENTUALLY told us after an hour of going back and forth, that they didnt know when it was going to air. SO, I will keep you ALL informed. :)

Other than that, there is pretty much nothing too exciting happening with me. My life is simple. Easy. I am finally breathing more and learning to just take it one day at a time. :)

I hope everyone else is doing ok and if I have anything else exciting to write about, I will.

Hollllllllller.
<3

The Chris Farley Show...

Here I sit at work. It's 6:10am and I have YET to close my eyes to take an itty bitty nap. I hear the TV on out in the other room with Gospel music blaring from the speakers and I wonder WHO in their right mind ACTUALLY wakes up at 6:00am to watch church on TELEVISION? It's kind of weird to me, but whatever, to each their own.

Not much has been going on with me lately. I mean I have changed jobs, my way of thinking about LIFE, and if you haven't noticed, MEN. LOL. I feel more relaxed, more calm, and more certain with things going on. Not everything is PERFECT but I know it will get there, or close to it. I had some rough months that just came and went and I am glad they are ALL behind me. People that I didn't NEED in my life are NOW out and I am thankful for all the people that I can TRULY count on ALL the time. You can only count your real friends on ONE hand they say, and I agree. You can have a plethora of friends but which ones will really stay by your side in the end? 10 yrs from now? 20 yrs from now? I mean we all grow up and move forward in life so you never know who will grow up and move forward with you. I am just happy about the ones that I have grown up and moved forward with. All in all, I am very happy now...more than JUST VERY.... EXTREMELY. I just can't put it into words right now, but for me.. LIFE is simple at this moment. I may have some bad and hard times eventually but I am just content with how things are and I hope they stay this way for a while. A long while.

I don't really know where all this is coming from. I have been doing a lot of thinking lately, especially here at work when the phones are not ringing off the hook. I have a lot of time to myself more so than I have had in the past few months and it's nice. I mean, I don't like to be alone too long but when I am, I enjoy it.

Anyways, besides all that, I brought this new book to work with me to read. It's called, "The Chris Farley Show".. I have had 8 hours to read it but I have chosen hour 7 to start it.....WHAT?! I had a lot of facebooking, myspacing, youtubing, and huluing to do. I am a hard worker over here. Lol.

Ill try and blog some more when I have something INTERESTING to talk about.

I never rant about LOVE but here it is...

Love.
WHAT is Love?
If you care to go over the 9 definitions that Webster's Dictionary has on their website, feel free. It's there in plain lettering explaining what it is supposed to "mean". It even throws in the definition; "a score of zero (as in tennis)". Really? I would think that might be in a different "definition" part of the dictionary? Anyways..

I wish that someone could EXPLAIN this whole Love thing to me and what it is supposed to really be like, I have had my share of LOVE and I LOVE, LOVE so don't get me wrong here but, like they say in "He's Just Not That Into You", when a boy in elementary school pushes you down or throws dirt in your face, it's supposed to be CUTE and taken as, "HE has a CRUSH on you." Oh... IS THAT what that means? Well, cause I thought that a boy pushing you down, throwing dirt in your face, and breaking your heart was supposed to be FROWNED UPON. Kind of like "masturbating on an airplane".. (HAHA Marte).
Anyways MY POINT, or somewhat a rant, Why is it when you give yourself to someone COMPLETELY and want nothing but to have them near you FOREVER, marry them, have their kids, grow old with them, they mess up, which makes you push them AWAY but STILL WANT them? I have seen a MILLION cases INCLUDING my own. I guess what I am saying is WHAT is LOVE? We all have our definitions.

Girls Say:
LOVE IS when a guy buys you flowers and shows you how much he loves you on a regular day of the week and NOT just on HOLIDAYS or special occasions.
LOVE IS when he gets along with your friends and makes an effort to be in the "circle". WHAT does it matter when no one liked him anyways?
LOVE IS when he buys you ice cream when you're sad or sick and makes you laugh when you are crying, even when its HIM that makes you cry.
LOVE IS when he writes you small notes telling you he loves you and leaves them all over the place so you find them as you are leaving or coming home.
LOVE IS when you and him spend time with each other and just "click", with an occasional fight. (It supposedly shows you care right?)
LOVE IS when he buys you the most EXPENSIVE diamond and proposes to you in the most romantic way.
LOVE IS when he buys you the most EXPENSIVE WEDDING because he KNOWS how HAPPY it will make you... etc, etc, etc...

The list can go ON AND ON of what LOVE is supposed to be. We were taught as YOUNG girls that your future BOYFRIEND/HUSBANDS were supposed to be like Prince Charming, from Snow White, Cinderella, and of course the CLASSIC, Sleeping Beauty. In reality, our lives somewhat go like the fairytale I have come to LOVE, BEAUTY and THE BEAST. OR SHREK? It JUST depends on the situation and honestly how cute of a couple you are...LOL. (if your bf looks like SHREK, id get out NOW.)

You see, us girls are all delicate and SCARED to love BEASTS, but we do. We give them LOVE, we care for them, tell them how IMPORTANT they are and NO MATTER how much we resent them for breaking our hearts and doing shitty things, we tend to fall into patterns with the SAME kind of guys or hang on to the ones that we SHOULD let go. I am guilty and I know a few girls who are JUST as guilty. You tend to love the FAULTS of all the beasts you come across, fall in love with and sometimes sleep with a few times...(I guess I should stop referring to ALL of them as BEASTS because we know there are a FEW Prince Charmings left who ONLY bring out the BEASTS when we WANT it most and some girls...well they are NOT all BEAUTIES.. GNOOOMEEE SAYIN?)... LOL.

I hate that when a girl OR boy, takes the time to make their significant other the most IMPORTANT person in their lives, takes them to meet their family, spend an OUTRAGEOUS amount of time with that person and do EVERYTHING to show them that they are WANTED and NEEDED, and then messes it up because they needed an "ego boost"... OH? I thought this whole time, I WAS giving you that and making you realize that for ONCE, someone could actually LOVE YOU and give you their heart. Instead you take it, trample it, treat it like garbage and ruin the trust they have because you are insecure and need to break THEIR HEARTS before you are the one crying yourself to sleep every night. I don't get the whole "LOVE" thing and to be honest I probably never will. I don't get girls or boys and their attempt at life. I think that I have been an amazing person with a big heart and I try and do everything right when I am in a relationship. I always get the shitty end of the stick because, I am NAIVE and TRUST too much. I love too much. I give too much. I find myself pondering the days before when life was easy and being a kid was the best. No worries, no loss of ANYTHING, not even a dumb boy pushing me down on the playground could make me UPSET. (PLUS, I'd just grab my big brother and he would take care of it..) I don't have the RIGHT DEFINITION for LOVE, I HAVE MY DEFINITION and thats all i need. Everyone considers LOVE to be different.

Sooo,

I have been going through some stuff in my head lately. Thinking about things for me, my future and what's best for me. It always comes back to HIM. I get confused, don't wanna talk to him, don't wanna STRESS, CRY, WORRY, or anything else that comes with a "messed up" relationship, but I think THATS what LOVE IS.... Well to me anyways... I guess CRAZINESS, being passionate, and HOPING that SOON that person that broke your heart a few times will MAN UP and change for the better. That YES we ALL make mistakes, but you hope they learn from them after SO long. That when its good its good but when it's ROUGH, its rough. HARD times, good times, and the SHITTIEST times. Someone who KNOWS how to push your buttons and make you see things THEIR way along with yours. Someone that can look at you and KNOW when you are upset, happy, or angry with them. Someone that can tell you, you have 6 smiles. (sorry I know I stole that from Win a Date With Tad Hamilton but come on... its a cute movie)..Someone that wants to FIGHT and FIGHT FOR YOU and will do anything to win you back after breaking up over and over. It's not healthy to some people and I understand that. I am not saying IT IS... I am not saying ANYTHING that he has done was good but there have been way more GREAT times than BAD. I am JUST SAYING how I feel right now and no conclusions have been made about MY LIFE, OUR RELATIONSHIP, OR the outcome of anything. I am simply ranting.
I don't know what the future holds for me in my LIFE, relationships and career and Ill find out sooner than later. Like I said in my last blog, I see the glass half FULL rather than HALF EMPTY. After all the SHIT that I have been through, I should see it half empty and GIVE UP on EVERYTHING but I can't.

I was in CHURCH yesterday with my family and the pastor was talking about how we should NEVER DWELL on the PAST. It makes you sick, stunts your growth, ruins how you look at life, makes you bitter and turns you into a CRAZY BITCH.. I would know.. and WELL, easier said than done I guess, its never easy to just forget. Its not easy to forget the HORRIBLE things that the ONE PERSON you confided in, called your BEST FRIEND, YOUR soulmate and gave your ALL too, has done, because if someone cared about you THAT MUCH they wouldnt have messed up SO badly. I CAN tell you this. I am living ONE day at a time living my life as a BEAUTY, hoping to find my BEAST whether he lies ahead in the future OR he is ALREADY in my life waiting to break out into his Prince Charming.

That is all. AND I am sorry if I am ALL over the place but I have a movie BLASTING LOUD in my ear... damn surround sound. LOL.

Til next time.

This is life.....

So, here I sit. Unemployed, missing my dad and wishing my life was not so fucked up. I know I don't have it as bad as a lot of people so I am not complaining, just needing to vent.

In 2 months, I have lost:

A baby.
My dad.
My job.

How I have coped and stayed SANE thrpugh all of this, I have no idea. I guess I have had the best family and the greatest friends to keep me going. I wake up around 9:30am, or later everyday, eat breakfast and then watch movies OR if my mom wants me to, I go with her to run errands. I have not minded relaxing these past few days and I plan on looking for a new job soon. I am just NOT in a rush. After everything I have been through this is the little vaykay that I need. I need to mentally prepare myself for the future that lies ahead, WHATEVER that may be.
I thought about traveling in my lame Ford Focus, taking pictures and selling them around the U.S. but I have NO MONEY, bills to help with around the house, AND my car is NOT registered.. I thought about moving to another state to get away from EVERYTHING and change my life and future but then I thought about how I have NO MONEY, bills to help with around the house, AND my car is NOT REGISTERED.. LOL.. Also, I would be leaving my friends and family who I love and care about and need me more than anything right now. So, both plans are NOT going to go happen. I guess in a way I am trying to run away from a few things weighing on my mind and I don't think it's the right answer. So, here I will stay and here I will be until I decide to leave. Anyone wanna move with me? Say in about, 2 or 3 years? LOL.

I am thankful for everything good that I have been blessed with and all the GOOD things that have happened to me. I can't say that I am one of those people that always thinks negative, when NO MATTER WHAT, I think of the glass half full, instead of half empty. I love my life regardless of all the stress, pain, and bad things I endure because it makes me a stronger person and it makes me appreciate life more. SO, I needed a quick vent and BELIEVE ME, I shall be back in a while to vent some more.

Thanks for listening. :)

Updates: (everyone else is doing it. LOL)

Well, as most of you know, heard or have read, my father passed away on the 11th of June. A day I will NEVER forget. After almost a month of planning, calling family, and grieving, we are having his memorial THIS Thursday on the 2nd at 11am. We weren't sure what time it was going to be, until this past Sunday after my mom talked to the Pastor. So, now everything is set and we are ready to honor him as much as we can that day. It's been rough and I have my days where I do nothing but think of him and how sad I am that he is NOT here, but I get thru it and keep on truckin'. I miss him more and more everyday. People say it's supposed to "get easier" but to be honest, I think it only gets easier to hide the tears and the pain because I feel it everyday. My mom brought him home in his urn last week. It is SO nice and on the outside is a place for a picture. We placed the picture of him in his white tux at my brother's wedding in it. He is in my moms bedroom safe and sound, where she can say goodnight to him everynight and good morning when she wakes up. It's going to be a good service and I hope whoever reads this and WANTS to attend that they do. Please call me or my brother and we can give you directions. :)

On another note, I am back to work, doing well, and as happy as I can be most days. If there are any other updates that I have MISSED out on, Ill be sure to add them in another blog sometime soon. I will also add pictures of me and my dad when I find them all. :) I want to make sure I have them saved as many places as possible and so everyone can see them. :)

<3
Maggie

In Loving Memory

Joseph Matthew Flynn
12/15/1955-06/11/2009


As most of you know, my amazing and loving father, Joseph Matthew Flynn, passed away on June 11th, 2009. I am DISTRAUGHT. Sad. Emotional. Confused. Angry. Depressed. There are just too many feelings that are going thru my head and heart to describe. I am literally fighting back tears while I sit here at work, catching up, and trying to get back into life's routine. We don't know what happened yet, but we will get the results back from his autopsy in about a month.

Since it happened, I find myself feeling regret about not spending enough time with him, not telling him that I loved him enough, and not telling him good night before he laid down and went to bed that night. ALL he EVER did was love me, my brother and my mom WAY too much and wanted nothing but the best for us. Even though he wasnt rich with money, he was rich with love and gave nothing but that EVERYDAY. I miss him more and more as each day goes by. I know my dad would not want me or the rest of my family to sit around and mope. He would have wanted us to be happy and keep on living with huge smiles on our faces. I just know I am going to miss HIS smile, his laugh, his stories that he loved to tell over and over again, the way he would get mad when me and my brother used to fight, the way he would yell at me when I was behind on my bills and being irresponsible, (which was all the time), the way he would ALWAYS make sure I was ok with GAS, FOOD, LIFE, because if not he would try and give me HIS money to make sure I was, even if it was the last few dollars in his wallet. What I will miss the most is the way he loved us all SO MUCH. To me, he was AMAZING. He was the BEST pool player I have ever encountered and the best dad anyone could ask for. He told the lamest jokes, would always yell "WHAT!!?" because his hearing was going out, and he tried to repeat things I said, but it wasn't what I said at all, because he thought I said something completely different then what came out of my mouth. If you don't understand, I guess you had to be there.... LOL. he was cheesy, sweet, funny, sarcastic, and always had food in his mustache. He was SO great and I am going to miss everything about him. He was there for me thru the hardest times and I appreciate everything that he has ever done for me. He wanted nothing more than for me to be happy and live my life the way I wanted. I am like him in more ways than one, ESPECIALLY in the NOSE area. LOL There were so many GREAT qualities about my dad that I wish everyone would have gotten to see. There are so many more memories and stories that I could write out but then I would be at work ALL night. LOL He is going to be missed forever. May he rest in peace.

I love you daddy,
ALWAYS AND FOREVER
Maggie

The Box.

Today I went to a meeting for work. As I was FALLING asleep to the boring conversations of talk about: retention, percentages, enrolling students, referrals, and all other things that don't apply to my job ALL that much, we came to the end of the meeting. Our new campus director, Charlie, wanted to close it with a few words. I don't know him all that well, I just know he tranferred from somewhere and came to work for our FAB campus! LOL He then presented us with a slide show. It had pictures of where he was born, Vietnam. He stated, as everyone knows, that the war ended in 1975, the year he was born. He went into how he was homeless for the first 4 years of his life with his mother and 2 brothers. He then went into all the insecurities he had growing up from there. Not knowing his father for the first 6 years if his life because he was deep in the jungle, getting nothing more than D-'s on his report card but STILL graduating, learning English at the age of 16 and and getting better as each year came and went. After graduating he went to lunch with his father and his father thought he should become a mechanic because he was called almost last at his graduation for his low grades. The Box is a way for him to basically say, "step out of your box". All his insecurites, like everyone elses, should be confronted and defeated. I mean it sounds easier than it is, but he made it seem so simple.

I guess my point of this blog is, it made me think. We all have insecurities that need to be confronted. They come out in the wrong way. We blame others for them or become egomaniacs and try and control people THRU our insecurities. We all need to step outside our box and face everything. It just goes back to the book I have read called: Face the Fear...and Do It Anyways. We get scared, worried, feel low, and have shitty days. We need to wake up, smile, and make the best of life. Live one day at a time and just soak in the world.

Anyways, thats my time.